The frail search of The One objective truth

 Last night I was watching a TED talk on how our perception of reality has changed over the last few thousands of years (in Western world) from the Greek civilisation to the modern days. This talk put forward some questions on how we perceive reality and how we try to chase the idea of ‘The Truth’ (which also includes our sense of individuality, religion and perception of happiness) and try to look down upon the ancient perceptions of reality when it does not agree with our modern ways of thought.

This talk has moved me a lot and I wanted to write something on it.

The point that strikes me most is that we are so convinced that there is One Truth. And that’s where I feel most of the problems arise.

I was born a Bengali. I have started to eat Biryani since I was a child and now the taste and even the thought of biriyani doesn’t only comprise of the smell, texture or ingredients of the dish. It also lights up decades of memories of happy moments eating it with my friends and family, memories of experiences of trying biryanis from hundreds of restaurants across the country and my own trials of cooking it. So, this word ‘biriyani’ is hardly the food itself, it is like a box of a million things. I can truly never express in words what it means to me. It is something beyond words, beyond singular objective observations, beyond measurable parameters in which I can quantify/convey the experience to another person.

Probably the same goes for amatriciana to an Italian. The emotion of the true and good amatriciana can never be expressed to a person who never had it before or didn’t grow up with it like he/she has.

When we find happiness in a relationship with a person or our faith in a religion, it is natural that we want to share this happiness with the people we love or in an attempt to help a person who is unhappy in their life. But to be able to perceive it depends so much on the experience that person has from it.

Love is not theory but an experience and it can only be felt and not described.

For most adults, we are already either ‘engaged’ or ‘married’ to our past memories & experiences. And when we see someone in a beautiful relationship (with a person of with life in general) we want to have that experience in our lives as well.

But, should we leave our lives and try to jump into their life? If a person I like to follow is in a beautiful relationship with his wife, to learn from it should I try to fall in love with his wife? Or, should I learn how as a couple they live their relationship and try to use this into building a better relationship with my present girlfriend/wife? (as I assumed before that we are ‘engaged/married’)

Sometimes we say that we are open to other relationships/religions, and if we are convinced enough we can try to jump to the other boat. First, we need to be honest about ourselves when we say we are open. Are we so open that we can leave our place in life, which includes communities, society, beliefs and convictions that we held dearly for many years and jump to another boat just out of curiosity? Even if we attempt to jump, shall we not find our hearts trembling with hesitation, constantly confused and afraid of what we may lose or not like in the new boat?

I can say for myself, I’m open in the sense of curiosity. What I mean is that I’m open to recognise that my eyes (my personal idea of life) are blurry and not perfect and I need a pair of glasses (other people’s ideas and opinions) to see better. But I cannot deny that in the end it is my eyes which is the primary receptor of any experience of sight. But with new glasses, I see more clearly and helps me understand my world better.

To put in context, personally I admit I’m a Hindu but I’m open to observe and learn from a Christian or Muslim’s life and his relationship with God and try to use this in my own relationship to God as a Hindu. But to immerse fully or learn fully what their faith means to them, I have to jump the boat to theirs and spend many years to build up my new faith which comes with new doctrines and dogmas.

I cannot just read a few of their books, listen to the some of their people speaking and assume I understand what a Christian/Muslim faith means. Because to them their religion is a feeling, like love, which cannot be expressed only in words and letters but nourished over many years through experiences and polished through many struggles.

So to find ‘True Love’ should I keep jumping boats (keep trying to fall in love with other people’s wives) to learn what it is or should I use that experience to make true the love that I have already? Are we ready to spend years of time and energy to discover & immerse ourselves in others' cultures, histories and religions to find the 'True Religion'? Are we honestly so committed to it on top of our daily commitments to work and family and friends?

In the end, every couple who is deeply in love or every person deeply immersed in their own faith of God, feels the truth of this love in his heart and doesn’t need to express it in words & comparing with other couples/faiths to prove that it is true. All their relationships are true, unique and beautiful.

Similarly, there can be many religions, as long as that make people love God and love themselves and love people around them, it will bring them salvation. The doctrines and dogmas and scriptures will only work when there is love in our hearts, just like a poem of love only brings emotion because we read not just the words but also feel them in our hearts. But if the love is missing and we are lost & confused, no matter how much we read or quote or speak, it will remain only as intellectual arguments in the brain which would ultimately decay and die with time and age or only arouse confusion in times of real need.

Let us not struggle to find what is the ‘One True Reality’ of humanity. Instead, let us try to look inwards individually and try to discover and accept who we are in this life. Then with Grace the truth and the path will unravel by itself.

The parting poem

The storm has stopped.
The skies have cleared.
The sun is shining bright.
As the wind now blows gently,
The ship has set sail.

Sindbad and his love have lived
The story of a beautiful romance.

For more than four years,
They laughed and they cried, holding hands.
They whispered into the other's ears.
The warm breath of love spread on the skin
Stopping all coldness from entering his heart.

As the ship leaves the port now,
It lets go a gentle whistle
Which echoes around
Like a wail,
Hushed up in a clasp.

Time will pass,
Winds will sweep over
The dust and the grass
Brushing off the stepmarks of Sindbad.

But when the blushing sun 
Kisses the glowing horizon,
Stop a while, if you can
And listen quietly -
The trickle of the Water of Leith,
The gentle rustle of the Pentland trees,
The squeaking benches on the Calton Hill,
The silence of the damp stones in Greyfriars.

You will hear a soft whisper, 
Telling you the tale -
Of the sweet moments 
That they hold witness.

The tale of Sindbad
And Edinburgh, his love.

The end of all duality

Sometimes when I'm too happy or too sad/distressed, I experience a beautiful moment of clarity. Someone inside me knocks at the heart and I hear this voice: "Hey! How are you enjoying the movie?" :)

From my early days, sometimes I wondered at my own existence and the purpose thereof. Probably every teenager goes through this phase. But for me, the difference was that it continued to be a vital question that I couldn't forget. Looking at my hand, I wondered, is this Me? Observing the fleeting thoughts in my mind, I wondered, is it I who is thinking? Then after many years, I came across the most beautiful description and it perfectly made sense to me!

When you are in the cinema, and the movie is going on in the dark, we feel strong emotion in the climaxes, chilling moments in the horror scenes, and even shed a few tears in the emotional parts. But we know it is a movie, we just enjoy all the experiences good or bad and if it was a good film, tragic or funny, we always end up saying with a smile and contentment that it was a good one! The real Me is like this screen, on which the movie is projected. If a small kid walks in while a movie is running and asks about the screen, we will end up pointing towards the ongoing cinema and the kid will think that it is the scene or the characters which is the screen. Which is not quite right. Yes, the scene and the characters are on the screen, but they are not the screen itself. Only when the lights are on, only then you can see the screen! The screen does not take part in any of the drama, it is the still ever-calm witness. It never gains or loses anything from the movie, but without it the movie will not exist. It is Existence itself, whereon one movie after another goes on playing, immersing the audience (the mind-body complex of the people sitting in the hall) with the scenes of the movie (sensual objects), making them laugh, cry, despair. But itself, the screen just exists. The real Me is that screen.

The hands and legs and everything physical is the gross body, whereas the mind is the subtle body, but part of the body no doubt. If you cut off the head, all the thoughts stop (well that's what we know). So obviously the mind is connected to the body and does not exist independently. It is like the glass of milk, which seems perfectly plain and white in our naked eyes, but under a microscope it is nothing that small globules of white fat floating in a watery liquid! Amazing, isn't it!

I am neither the body, nor the mind. I am in them, but they are not in me. I am pure Existence. Whatever tangible that I feel, be it bodily pain or mental joy or emotions, they are just affecting this mind-body complex. I am untouched, unattached, unaffected!

I have realised that the only way to live life is to Love. Love everyone, love everything, love every moment. But love them not as objects, but love them just because they are part of You, your existence! Fall in love not with the gifts but fall in love with the gifter of the reality of receiving the gifts! There is no good, there is no bad. There is no friend, there is no enemy. It is only You. You are the giver, and you are the recipient. It is just You everywhere, in everything! There is no God sitting in Heaven driving us, there is no Satan waiting in Hell to punish us. These are just stages of your existence, and it is you who decides how you are going to experience Heaven or Hell now and every future moment!

Coming back to Vivek Panda, I think this me knows this truth somewhere but fails to sustain it in every action. I am still weak, thinking about the Biriyani, thinking about the job, thinking about succeeding in the next karate tournament. But whenever any situation or person tries to bind me too hard, I feel this immense pressure from the voice within to break free! It pounds on my head saying, "There is nothing tangible in this universe that you need to seek. You are already complete, you already have everything that you need. May be Vivek Panda cannot be in the relationship with that beautiful person, but she has already someone (and so it is you in another person enjoying that possibility), or even if she is not with anyone, you can never possess her like an object! We think the urge for enjoyments and sensual pleasures can be gratified by indulging in it. But no matter how many chocolates you have had in your lifetime, does it ever occur to you that the quota of your chocolate in this lifetime is finally over? Indulgence is a habit, it is like a bottomless cup, it just never can have enough!

So, the purpose of my life is Love. And love so much that it breaks the boundaries of this Vivek Panda and everything and everyone around. This is my destination, and whatever I do, whichever way I take, I hope it takes me closer to that ultimate goal.

The Dark Summer

The summer is in full bloom.
Beautiful flowers in all their grandeur
Have exposed themselves
Swaying in the cool breeze
Or just sitting pretty in the lush gardens.

The days are long.
Sunlight remains smeared in the sky
Even past midnight.
'Tis like a careless stroke of bright colour
That the artist spilled in the night sky.
Like a persistent bee
Coming back and buzzing
Right onto your face.

The streets are full of people
Holding hands and smiling
Chattering away in the soothing sunlight
The Summer has come.

But I can a feel a darkness
Creeping into the corners of my heart.
All this bright and happiness
Feels like Fire.
I cannot touch it
But get burnt every time
I step in too close.

The darkness is like my shadow
It follows me everywhere
All the time.
It has transformed me
Into a Vampire
Trying to get a taste
Of the sweet happiness
From the lives of others
But gets burnt inside
Every time it steps into the brightness.

Time has flown by -
The last couple of years.
Still I feel every day is new,
Every day is the last of its kind.
But in my heart,
Time has stood still
For last two decades
Or from eternity.

I have met Lolita.
In many forms,
In many people -
But they have all slipped away,
Never to return.
But in my heart,
Time has stood still
Stuck in the darkness
Looking for my Lolita.

It began with an itch,
Then after years
Perhaps it became numb.
But now,
It is infected.
Spreading the darkness
To the corners of my heart.
Consuming itself,
Spiraling into the core
Of my existence.

May be soon
The darkness will take over.
But the only thing I would say then is:
Lolita, I had waited for you.
Only you.

Sindbad the Sailor: Part 1

It has been one year since Sindbad had set sail. One year since he stepped out of his known world and jumped into the sea of mystery. The special thing about this journey was that there were no other sailors with him. He was alone.

He wasn’t really feeling lonely, or scared. In fact, he was looking forward to it. Because, sometimes having too many people around constrains you & drags you back, like the reign on the collar of a playful puppy. But this time there was nobody to hold him back. He could do whatever whenever he wanted.

Sindbad had to build his ship bit by bit for this journey over a long time. It was a great test of his patience & perseverance. He fought it out with competitors everyday to gather the resources, hammering the nails on the planks of wood in sun, storm & rain. The grease on the ship was made up of his sweat & blood. Not that he knew what awaits him, but he made preparations anyway. His principle was very simple: travel light. The ship wasn’t built of iron, but out of large chunks of wood. Even if the ship would crack & break, it would not sink. Wood doesn’t sink.

The wind was strong, the sails were blown fully and he left the shore with a long toot. He was happy & raring to go, tired of living on the edge of the old city gasping for breath where every day seemed more like the last day. He had a very big smile when the anchor was lifted and the ship went off like an arrow, without ever looking back.

Unlike most other times, where Sindbad looks forward to the journey instead of the destination, this time he couldn’t wait to see the land. He could hardly sleep with his pulses racing, looking out far every other minute, blinking as less as possible, just to catch the first glimpse of the land. While on the ship, he met more and more other ships floating around as the destination drew closer. But he hardly stopped to chat, as he was too busy looking forward.

Finally, he saw the land. It was like a fairytale. Like he had travelled back in time a thousand years. In the land of kings & queens, giants & goblets, angels & ghouls, unicorns & dragons. The air was magical, the people bowed on every word, and the sun was smiling all day & till late at night.

Sindbad set his first foot on the new world.