18 Unnatural Laws

Have you ever received a phone call the minute you stepped outside your door? Certain astute individuals have noticed that such events are not the exception but, rather, the rule. Men like Murphy, Peter and Parkinson have made it their life work to ferret out the operating principles - the laws that govern the frustrating lives that we mortals live. Here is a small sampling of these laws.

MURPHY'S LAW
If anything can go wrong, it will.

O'TOOL'S COMMENTARY ON MURPHY'S LAW
Murphy was an optimist.

THE UNSPEAKABLE LAW
As soon as you mention something .... ... if it's good, it goes away ... if it's bad, it happens.

NONRECIPROCAL LAWS OF EXPECTATIONS
Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.

HOWE'S LAW
Every man has a scheme that will not work.

ZYMURGY'S FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING SYSTEMS DYNAMICS
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

ETORRE'S OBSERVATION
The other line moves faster.

SKINNER'S CONSTANT (FLANAGAN'S FINAGLING FACTOR)
That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have got.

MURPHY'S LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITY
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

JENNING'S COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITY
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

GORDON'S FIRST LAW
If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.

MAIER'S LAW
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

BOREN'S FIRST LAW
When in doubt, mumble.

THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES

Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

BARTH'S DISTINCTION
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't .

SEGAL'S LAW
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

THE NINETY-NINETY RULE OF PROJECT SCHEDULES
The first 90 % of the task takes 90 % of the time, and the last 10% takes the other 90 %

HOARE'S LAW OF LARGE PROBLEMS
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.