Sunday, March 12, 2006

The Fear of Losing !


Have you ever got that sensation in your gut that wants you to give up, and yet you can't? Have you ever faced that situation that makes you crazy everytime you think over it but still you think its better than nothing at all? Have you ever wanted something so badly that sometimes you wish that it was never there, but deep down in your heart you know that this is what you were dreaming of all through your life and you can't live without it?

Well, if you still haven't got it, I'm talking about Love. Sometimes, this can be an infatuation, a crush, or worse: just a physical attraction... but I bet, you wont feel that way in these cases. You'll know when it clicks, you'll know when you meet The One for you, you'll know when her smile wipes off all your worries, all the doubts, all your desparations! It does feel heavenly to live in Paradise, isn't it? (hey gotcha! you cant deny that!)

But here also begins the era of sorrow, of jealousy, of missing like hell... It is completely natural for you to fall for a wonderful person, but it also is equally unnatural that the other person starts feeling the same way you do. You know, Love isn't a Machine that you can turn on or off, you can't force someone's Free Will, you can't make her love you... if she doesn't, then she doesn't... you can do nothing to make her feel... yes, sometimes you can, but only in your sweetest dreams, or the greatest box office hits!

But, the worst situation is when you can't read her mind, her emotions, her ways of thinking. She puts you into a great dilemma... sometimes she makes you feel so special that you write pages of diary with your heart overflowing with soft emotions after a great date. But a week later she behaves such that it wrenches your mind in a condition of torture... you can't take it anymore! The most bad part is when you see her going out with some other guy, that burns you... burns your every part... even your tears start to vapourise, at the same time you are filled with hatred and jealousy and also with a sense of betrayal, cheating. The world you made around her and along with her, starts crumbling down like a house of cards in a gust of wind. You can't help hearing Acid Rock, no matter how much you actually hate them!

Maybe, it wasn't her fault... because she hasn't said a thing, if you remember correctly, it was YOU who did everything... you asked her out and she obliged, you gave her gifts and she accepted, you poured out your heart to her and she listened. But, actually, she did nothing. It was YOU, only YOU in your dreamland! But now its too late... you're doomed... you're emotionally butchered. You are the LOSER!

But knowing all these, you still hang on... you see her, you breathe her, you feel her in every moment, in every place you've gone together, in every music, every book you've shared, in every dish you've tasted... she is dwelling in you, you can do nothing to stop it! It'd be the best if you stop talking, stop seeing her, try to forget her... time IS really the best healer, but you can feel the wound has gone as deep as a bedsore, with its roots deep into your doby, your mind, your soul. It is now a part of you... you can hide it and put up a nice smile in front of everybody, but the every movement you make, you feel it: she's here with you.

As I said, it'd be best if you let go, but you cant, you still live on with a false hope, with a wish... that she'd be your one day... one fine day! You think its better that you're talking and going out right know, although her heart belongs to somebody else... its like drinking the Unicorn's Blood that makes you all black & blue inside, yet its the only thing that you can live on(courtesy: Voldemort, Harry Potter)! Long live hope, long live passions, long live Love. Because, other than these, you're compelled to take a shorter route to peace : SUICIDE !

But the best thing happens in your life when, you know that she DID love you althrough, it wasn't just a dream about her... and YOU had caused yourself so much pain thinking too much of this rubbish... yeah she's yours! ... but this happens rarely... but guys dont give up hope and GET... SET ... LOVE !!